Berinsar
by BlueApollo
Summary: I didn't want to go. Of course, nobody ever did, but when the odds weren't "ever in my favor" it just seemed outright unfair. My name is Ellessa Berinsar, and my brother and I are tributes of District 10 for the 36th Annual Hunger Games. Kill or be killed
1. Stupid Cows

I was going to be late.

I always thought I was going to be late whenever this day came around. I would spend too much time out in the fields with the stupid cows, dreading when the awful hour would come around and I would have to stand out in the square with a bunch of other scrawny girls just like me as we hoped that our name wasn't called. It was going to be my third year experiencing this, but I could already feel that butterfly sensation flutter in my stomach with the recognition of the usual tension of the day.

My name was on six slips of paper. Each year I had registered my name then added one more for tessarae. My family, especially my elder brothers, had insisted that I not do it, but they had no more right to tell me what to do than the old bird that sat beside our doorstep each morning. They had entered for tessarae, so why couldn't I? I was just as responsible, just as capable as they were. I knew for a fact that I was smarter than them. It wasn't saying much, but I thought I could handle myself. It wasn't like I was going to get chosen anyway. I had the firmest belief that the selections were somehow rigged. For the past six years a thirteen-year-old girl had been chosen from our district. There was definitely no way I was getting chosen. I finally took one last look at all the cows lazily chomping on the grass before them and found myself wishing I could be one of them. I could relax and eat all day and never have to work, but there was always the inevitable slaughter at the end. I didn't know if I wanted to risk bliss for death, but weren't we all doomed to the same end anyway? My chances of reaching that end only went up today. Being a cow seemed more attractive now than it had just a week ago. They were lucky. They didn't know when they were going to die, or even what death was. It was never an ominous thought in the back of their mind. Those lucky jerks.


	2. The Reaping

"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds ever be in your favor!"

I rolled my eyes. Like that was even true. I glared up at the young-looking man that somehow had managed to receive the position of District 10's escort. His puff of blue hair and his royal blue eyes whose color had obviously been changed by strange contacts forced everyone to look at him as he blabbed on with his lies about how he was looking forward to the games and how proud he was of our district. He was the brightest thing we had seen in awhile since most of us spent our days staring at boring livestock that we would most likely never see on our own plates. None of us really liked him, and the two previous winners from our district, Halem Gandly and Ysand Rawlin, made a point of glaring at him throughout his opening comments.

"Let's start with the ladies, shall we?" District 10's escort, Jayfa Smeirs, squealed. His pitch always seemed so much higher than those of us actually from District 10. His voice I had ever heard, but I doubted anyone else would have wanted to volunteer for the job. It was districts like District 1 that they were all gunning for. If only they could get a suitable tribute, their dreams of promotion would come true! Yeah right. Just because District 10 had two previous winners didn't mean that this guy was going anywhere anytime soon.

Jayfa scurries over to the glass ball with all the girls' names. I take a deep breath as he reaches into the ball to steady my nerves even though I know I'm not going to be picked. It's going to be a thirteen-year-old again. I glance over at my brothers to see what their expressions give away about their feelings at this moment. Gregor and Hyver's faces are blank, but both of them have pale skin that tells me that they are more nervous than I am.

The hand pulls out of the glass ball after what feels like an eternity and a half. The crowd is absolutely silent. A cow moos from the hills and Jayfa makes a disgusted face before he reads off the name on the slip of paper in his hand.

"Ellessa Berinsar! Come on down!" He sounded like I had won the greatest prize on the planet, like I was on some sort of game show. It had to be a really sick game show if it was even going to put in the correct context. I clenched my fists and stared at the ground as the crowd parted before me with relieved glances at their new tribute. Ellessa Berinsar. _My_ name. So they weren't rigged after all. The only thing going through my mind at the moment was this sucked. This beyond sucked. This was quickly turning into the worst day imaginable. I took a deep breath and walked towards the stage with my fists still clenched at my sides.

"Congratulations, Ellessa Berinsar! District Ten's newest tribute!" I gave Jayfa a scowl as I ascended the steps onto the stage. He frowned back but quickly pasted a smile back on his face as he dashed over to the glass ball full of all the boys' names. I didn't want to pay attention anymore. I was as good as dead now. Who cared what happened next? I was surprised at how well I was holding up in front of the crowd. I may have looked bitter and angry, but not even one tear had started to gather at my eyes. My nails dug into my palms as I clenched my fists even harder and stared at the ground beneath my feet.

"Gregor Berinsar!" I looked up to see a slip of paper in Jayfa Smeirs' hand. "Come on down!" An enormous boy made his way through the crowd at a speed walk, shoving those aside that didn't move out of the way quickly enough. His expression was obvious now. I watched the familiar features of my brother make his way through the crowds of pleased faces. They were safe and happy while he was terrified and angry at the same time. His eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw was set straight. His nostrils flared as he shot a frown at Jayfa just like I had done. My gaze returned to the ground as he joined me on the stage in front of the thousands of people from my district.

I was scared, angry, and miserable. The emotions swirled in a flurry around my head and made me feel slightly nauseated. I was either going to kill or be killed, maybe even by my older brother who could easily take me down if he wanted to. He was four years older than me, an eighteen-year-old with the build of an ox and the brain of one, too. I felt blood on my fingertips as the anger flared within me. This was unfair! Why did both of us have to be chosen! My family was losing two sources of income and labor, and I knew the government would care how much it hurt my family now that they had only one son left. And the weaker one at that! All these thoughts boiled down to how the world just sucked. Everything sucked! The Hunger Games, the Districts, even the stupid cows sucked, and the worst part of it all was the knowledge that it was never going to change.


	3. I Promise

I am taken into the Justice building and left inside a room full of overstuffed chairs and wooden tables. It's the nicest room I've ever seen, but I'm immediately overwhelmed. I'm average, simple Elessa, soon to be Dead Elessa. I didn't deserve this sudden kindness just because I was a tribute. The kindest thing they could do to me at this moment would be to end me now. I didn't want to wind up in that awful arena and die at the hands of some kid I didn't even know as they fought for their own victory. I didn't want my death to be a stepping-stone to fame. I wanted it to be average. Plain. Normal. It didn't even need to mean anything, but I definitely didn't want it to benefit anyone in the Games.

I perched myself on one of the overstuffed chairs and stared at my knees as I awaited anyone that wanted to say good-bye to me before I left for good. I wasn't let down. After a few minutes of silence a door opened to allow my mother, father, and Hyver inside. I was tackled with a large embrace from my sibling as my parents stood quietly off to the side.

"Come back home, okay?" Hyver whispered in my ear. "Both of you!"

"That's wishful thinking," I muttered under my breath. Hyver pulled away from me and took a few steps toward my parents. I wasn't certain if he had heard me or not, but I was far from caring. Next, my mother gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and quietly said something along the lines of how much she loved me. My father stepped towards me and crouched so that he was at eye-level with me.

"You and Gregor have to team up if you're going to beat this. We need both of you back home, not just one. Look at me," he said. He put a hand beneath my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking directly into his eyes. "You will come home for us. For _all_ of us. We can't have you lose out there. You have to promise me."

I held my mouth shut. I wasn't going to make a promise that I couldn't keep. I tried to look away, but my father held me still with his hand and forced me to look at him. I could see tears brimming in his eyes and I suddenly felt awful for the way I was acting, how careless I was being. I threw my arms around him and held him in a tight embrace.

"I promise! I'll come back!" And some part of me, somewhere deep inside, wanted that so desperately to be true. Only time and plenty of pain would give me the answer, though. I released my father from my grasp and pushed away like nothing had happened. I resumed my sulky staring at the floor as the remnants of my family vacated the room. No one else visited me. It was to be expected. I spent more time with the stupid cows than I did with other people, and I doubted any of the cows would want to come into this room.


	4. Halem

Waiting to get on the train was agonizing. Everything seemed to hit me all at once. My brother was standing about five feet away from me. His gaze remained forward, like he was focused on something off in the distance that nobody else could see. I refused to talk to him. We both knew it was pointless to keep up family ties now. Even though our parents had expressed their wish of getting us both back home, there was no beating the Capitol. They would use us to make the Games as dramatic as possible. I, like Gregor, kept my gaze steady and locked on nothing. We were herded onto the train and pushed into overly comfortable seats. I felt a small jerk as the train started to roll forward, then remained frozen until a hand placed itself on my shoulder.

"We're going to get you through this," a soft voice said. I looked to my right to see Halem Gandly smiling down at me. He had won the Hunger Games only two years before and now spent much of his time planning tactics for future Tributes and donating large amounts of his fortune to the less fortunate in District 10. I had remembered seeing him living in the slums of the excuse for a city that barely towered above the vast fields before his Games. I had even seen him at school a few times when everyone had to be there in the mornings. Other than that he had been as inconspicuous as he could have been until he won the Games when he was sixteen.

"How can you be so sure?" I snapped. It wasn't like I had to be nice anymore. I could be a bitch and absolutely no one would care because I would be dead in a few days. I could now be as existential as I wanted to be. It would all be forgotten in just a few weeks anyway.

"We can't." Halem said bluntly. "But it was worth a shot to see what you would say." He looked away for a second like he had to think about his words, then his foggy gray eyes returned to me. "It's nice to know that you're not one of the sentimental types, though. You're realistic. That's going to be key if you want to survive. No fantasy will get you through this."

"Thanks for the heads up, now fuck off before I punch you." I was in no mood for chatter now. I needed to think. No, I needed to _not_ think. I needed to do nothing and think nothing and see nothing. Emptiness. Quiet. Nothing. That was all that I needed until I could make my way out of the shell I had hidden in.

"Suit yourself. You can't hide though. You're going to be seeing a lot more of me before all of this is over. Get some food and some rest and be ready to go in the morning at the very least. I don't want you to be rude to the stylists." Halem stood up and slipped through the door to the next car on the train where his quarters were for the night. I heaved a sigh and stared at my knees. I didn't want to think of the stylists and the fool that they would make me look like, nor did I want to think about anything beyond that. I looked up again only to realize I was completely alone in my compartment. It was exactly what I had wanted: the loneliness, the peace, only the soft hum of the engines of the train to make me believe that I hadn't gone deaf. It all felt like it had been too much to ask only a few seconds before, now it felt like the sounds of voices and moving feet, even the moo of a stupid cow was too much to ask. I couldn't make up my mind anymore. I was dazed, confused, and all alone. My mind was racing in every other direction except forward. Finally I buried my face in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. Not a single tear came out.


	5. Dinner

The hand touched my shoulder again, gently shaking me awake. I had somehow managed to fall asleep on the chair I had been sitting in. Once again my green eyes met Halem's gray ones as he said, "You should eat something. Getting food in your system is paramount before the Games begin. Besides, you might not be able to eat like royalty ever again."

"Do you always have to have such wordy explanations about everything?" I slowly stood up and glared at Halem.

"I'm sorry if friendly advice doesn't suit you, Ellessa. Let's try a different tactic." His face fell from its friendly smile to a hard, angry expression. "Get some food or go without it for the rest of your short life," he growled. I groaned and rolled my eyes, but I wasn't going to argue with that. My stomach rumbled in agreement, and I quickly moved into the dining compartment, embarrassed about my annoying stomach and not willing to look back at Halem in case he noticed.

I immediately stopped when I opened the door to the dining compartment. My brother sat facing me at the end of the table. He was already digging into a fantastic meal of hot steak and potatoes and some kind of soup that looked like sour milk to me (but it smelled fantastic). He looked up at me and dropped his fork with a loud _clang!_ on his plate.

"Ellessa! What are you doing here?" It was the first thing he had said to me since the Reaping. I clenched my fist and slammed the door shut behind me, ignoring the cry from Halem when the door hit him as he was trying to come in.

"I'm walking to my own execution and that's all that you have to say for yourself? You know I'm a Tribute, too!" I screamed.

At that moment, Ysand pushed open the door behind Gregor and stepped inside. Halem was probably nursing whatever pain I had caused him with the door. Ysand gripped Gregor's shoulder and gave me an annoyed frown.

"It's best not to yell at Gregor or get him too excited," the man said in even tones. "He needs to remain as balanced as possible for the next few days. If you're going to fight, then you can eat elsewhere or wait for Gregor to finish and leave." Gregor nodded his agreement before he picked his fork back up and continued to eat. My clenched fist trembled with the need to hit something, anything! I held myself back, though.

"I'm sorry," I said sarcastically. "I wasn't aware he had made _friends_ so quickly. May the odds _ever_ be in your favor." I let my last sentence hang in the air then I backed out the door I had come through and slammed it shut behind me for good measure. I turned around to see Halem huddled on a couch with a wad of bloodied tissues pressed against his nose.

"You won't _believe_ what just happened in there!" I screeched.

"Thanks for apologizing about the nose. I really appreciate that," Halem said as he took the tissues away from his face. Dried blood painted the lower part of his face a dark crimson, but I wasn't deterred from my angry thoughts.

"Sorry! Are you happy with that?"

"Much better, Ellessa." He stood up and wiped away the blood from his face with a wet rag that a swift and quiet attendant had handed him before I had come into the compartment. "Although I would prefer if you were more aware of your surroundings next time. The stylists are going to have a field day with us tomorrow. Anyway, you were saying?"

"Gregor acted completely surprised that I was on the train. And what's worse is that Ysand has already placed him under his control! Training hasn't even started yet and Gregor….Gregor-"

"Gregor what?"

I didn't know what to say. He was so _different_. He never used to bow to control so easily.

"Nevermind!" I snapped. "It's none of your business anyway. Can I just get some food in my own compartment? I don't want to deal with the jerk and his accomplice right now."

"All you have to do is ask," Halem said. "I'll have someone bring some food in, but get some rest right after that. Got it?" This time I didn't fight Halem's instructions. Instead, I nodded and waited quietly in my own compartment. Once the food was delivered, I realized it was way too much for just one person; it was then that Halem walked in and sat in the chair across the table from me.

"I thought you wouldn't want to eat alone, and I don't want to visit the scene of the crime in that dining car," he joked. I scowled at him and dug my fork into the steak that was before me.

"It's not funny," I said, "and you're wrong. I want to be alone."

"Well, honey, you're not getting that. Either deal with me or go hungry. Somebody has to be your mentor for these Games, and I believe Ysand is already taken."

"I don't need a mentor."

"If you want to survive the next few days, then you definitely need one," Halem said. "You're going to be the center of attention-"

"Along with twenty-three other kids."

"I don't care. You're going to be the center of attention and you're going to have no idea about what to do. It's my job to make sure that you don't make a fool out of yourself so that we can win some sponsors and help you survive in the Arena. You're chances of winning are going to be minimal if you don't listen to me."

"Is this the same speech Ysand gave to Gregor? Because if that's it then you can count me out. I'll do it all myself," I snarled.

"I believe Ysand got control of your brother by feeding him fantasies about winning and glory and love. Truthfully, I wouldn't do that. I'm honest and you're honest, so let's be honest with each other. Your chances of survival are minimal. You're scrawny, weak, and short-tempered. You are in no way attractive to any sponsors that could possibly help you when you get out in the Arena. If you really want to live, if you want to go back home to your family, then you will listen to me because only I can increase those chances of survival." Halem fixed his gray eyes on me. They were cold and harsh, but I didn't see that. I saw something softer behind them, like he really cared about my survival. I wasn't just another Tribute to him.

I growled, "Fine," and dug into my meal. I was going to submit, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of winning me over too easily. He smugly grinned at me and began to eat his dinner also. He left without another word before I could finish.


	6. Parade of the Districts

I was surrounded by three overzealous stylists that were having a field day with me. From hair to makeup to every other preparation they could think of before they would even attempt to throw my costume on, they were fretfully running amok and taking over me. Like Halem had asked, I was being nice. I only snapped at them a few times and had yet to throw any punches. I would easily call that being nice.

Finally they backed off as the door to the preparation room slowly swung open. A young lady, she looked to be around twenty-five years old, walked in with a white lump of fabric draped over her arm.

"Please don't tell me that's my costume," I begged. "Please, oh please be something different." As much as I was relieved that it wasn't some leather stripper suit like I had expected, I really disliked the color white. It made me look pale and always made me think of chickens. No.

"This isn't some kind of chicken suit, is it?" I squeaked.

"Relax," the lady said. "You're going to love it. I'm Larka, by the way. Now, close your eyes and let me get this dress on you before you decide to run away."

"How do you know I'm going to like it?" I grumbled. "You don't even know who I am."

"Your mentor approved it and he obviously knows me better. I believe it's safe to assume. Close your eyes before I get my assistants to restrain you." Sighing, I closed my eyes as Larka had ordered and waited for whatever that lump of fabric was to fall over my shoulders. _Anything but a chicken suit_ I thought. _Anything but that_. As I waited, I thought about what Larka had said. She had meant Halem, of course. Ysand had only had one interaction with me, and he wouldn't plot against me since he needed sponsors for both my brother and me. Why would Halem approved of it for me, then? He barely knew me as it was. The sparse times I had ever seen him in the streets of town weren't nearly enough for him to make judgments about my likes and dislikes, especially about clothing considering I spent much of my time in ragged overalls and boring plaid shirts.

"Open your eyes!" I quickly opened my eyes and found myself facing a mirror. Looking over myself, I was pleasantly surprised. A snow-white strapless gown with a feathered skirt adorned my body. I turned slightly and felt it flow around me like silk. It wasn't half that bad. Definitely much better than a leather stripper suit.

"Now for some finishing touches." Larka stepped in front of me and gently tied a yellow ribbon around my neck then pulled out a glossy red headband and placed it so that it pushed back some of my curled dark brown hair. "There!" She seemed rather pleased with herself as she stepped aside so that I could look at myself in the mirror again. As I stared at my own reflection, I could see why she was so proud. She had taken some country bumpkin and turned her into a princess.

"At least I'm not in a full chicken suit." It was the best compliment I could think of at the time.

"Actually, it's inspired by chickens, you know, but I just _had_ to make them more stylish. You should see your brother! He looks like an absolute gentleman," Larka squealed. I was about to snap at her at the very mention of Gregor, but one look at her excited face told me not to. This was her shining moment. She was still young, and this was probably her big break. As nasty as I could be at times, I didn't want to ruin it for her. I just kept smiling at myself in the mirror as thoughts about how District 10 would react to their own little chickens running around in the Capitol looking as amazing as I did.

"Come along! We need to get you into the chariot before they start the parade without us!" Larka grabbed my hand and led me through the door where Gregor, Halem, and Ysand stood waiting for me. Gregor's and Halem's jaws dropped, but Ysand's countenance remained a solid slate of stone indifference.

"You look outstanding, Ellessa!" Halem said as he took my hand from Larka. Gregor's face turned to something along the lines of Ysand's within a few seconds of my arrival, and he remained silent like his new mentor. I would have commented on Gregor's stunning attire, a white suit with a bright yellow tie and a red fedora, if he had mentioned anything to me, but we kept our cold shoulders against each other. We were enemies as of now. There was no use in sugarcoating it. Halem helped me up into the chariot led by two pinto stallions that chomped eagerly on their bits and pawed at the ground. Gregor followed but kept his gaze completely away from me. Soon our chariot was being pulled forward by the horses and we were in the midst of the Capitol.

Have you ever heard an especially strong breeze rush through the trees? Multiply that by about a hundred thousand and you've got the sound I heard as I was brought out to meet the thousands of people in the Capitol. Their shouts and screams rang in my ears and for a moment I could have believed the entire world was there on the streets screaming and shouting. I looked up and saw my brother and myself on the giant screens that soared high above the city. We looked dazzling as the white fabric seemed to glow around our bodies and make us seem like we were shining in the sunlight. We were stars as far as I was concerned. I began to enjoy the experience as the crowds urged us on with their raucous cacophony of screams and shouts and cheers. My brother remained stony-faced, grim, determined, a true Tribute dead set on what he was in the Capitol for. I was having the time of my life and not taking the whole ordeal very seriously. Why should I? I was only going to be this famous once, then my shining star would be extinguished by the hands of someone who shined just a little brighter than me. It was enlightening to realize that, hey, this might actually be a bit fun. I tugged on my brother's sleeve and gestured for him to wave to the crowds, too. He gave a half-hearted attempted before he adjusted his red fedora to cover his eyes then dropped his hand and stuffed it in his pocket. I grimaced at his poor attempt to bring attention to himself but promptly returned my attention to the crowds and the Tributes ahead of us.

Now was a good time to get a first look at the competition. It was Districts 1 and 2 that I was truly worried about. Their Tributes looked to be nearly twice my size, with large muscles and bloodthirsty faces. They had been getting the most cheers already. Districts 5 and 6 each had a boy that looked to be only twelve years old. Those poor things. I could already guess that they wouldn't make it through. A girl with a pinched face glared out at the crowds from District 8's chariot. She seemed nasty enough with her scowls, but I could see intelligence on her face. If people could judge books by their covers, I would have easily said she was going to be the clever one in the field, always tricking and trapping her competitors. Glancing behind me, I could see that Districts 11 and 12 were as dull as they ever were. Their Tributes were scrawny, weak, and severely underfed. They, too, seemed to be enjoying the spotlight.

_Just like you_. The thought came out of nowhere. One more glance back at the districts behind me told me why I had gotten it, though. I was just like them: small, underfed, but I wouldn't entirely say weak (even though Halem had accused me of it the night before). They, too, were enjoying the spotlight just as much as I was and I couldn't help but feel a small connection to those Tributes. If I were going to stand by anyone's side, it would have to be them. At least we would have something in common. My brother was too strong, too amazing to be part of them. He looked like he could have been a Career if he was standing in District 1 or 2's chariot.

We finally stopped in front of the Training Center. In a complete daze, I had to be led out of the Chariot and into the center by Halem and Larka as I caught my breath. It was all so stunning, so brilliant, so _different_ from home. Suddenly I was hit with a pang of homesickness. This wasn't _home_. I was never going to see that place again. It hit, and it hit hard. I doubled over and gasped, overcome with the awful thought that as much as I hated it back home, I was going to hate it even more here. The luxury would never make up for the fact that I was losing everything for some stupid government need to control the minds of its citizens. I could hear Larka and Halem calling out to me, voicing their thoughts about whether I was okay or not. Ysand and Gregor brushed past us, but I couldn't help noticing Gregor's pained look as he glanced back at me. So he still cared! At least I could hold on to that for now.

I felt myself being lifted into Halem's arms and carried into the elevator as the voices began to dim. My breath came in ragged segments, like I was only allowed a certain amount every few seconds before I had to stop. _What was all this?_ I searched through my mind for some kind of explanation as to what my body was going through, but nothing came up except blank messages. The elevator lifted us to whatever Ten was supposed to mean on the elevator buttons. I was too confused to think about it. The doors slid open and I was rushed to a bedroom filled with overly comfortable upholstery again. Halem gently laid me down on the bed and took a step back.

"She's overwhelmed, isn't she?" he asked Larka. The stylist nodded.

"I've seen this before. It's nothing to be worried about. She'll get over it in a few hours." Obviously I had been wrong. I wasn't her breakout tribute if she was saying things like that. Maybe I should have insulted her and sad nasty things about the dress earlier. Now the whole country of Panem would think District 10 was full of a bunch of jelly-legged chickens all because I didn't have the gall to speak up.

"She'll just need some rest," Larka went on. "I'm sure the plains don't have this much excitement. It's a wonder Gregor took it all so well."


	7. Blood

It turned out that my "overwhelmed" state _was_ something to be worried about. I was awoken by Jayfa Smeirs, District 10's escort, and brought into what I could only assume was the dining room of the giant suite District 10 had been given. The room was overly large by my standards, with large windows that overlooked the enormous bustling metropolis of the Capitol. Larka, Gregor, and Halem were already sitting there waiting for me, but Ysand was nowhere to be seen. Their faces were somber and concerned.

"What's going on?" I mumbled half-heartedly. I was still tired from earlier and could barely speak loud enough for them to hear.

"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" Larka asked Halem.

"Tell me what?" I snapped.

"You have Anemia," Halem said quickly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have a low red blood cell count. If you get too excited, your heart can't pump enough blood to your brain fast enough to keep you conscious. We…well, the Game Makers had some doctors check you out while you were unconscious," Halem explained.

"That means I won't have to participate, right?" A sudden ray of light had shined upon me. Maybe, just maybe, I could get out of this. If I was too sick to compete, they wouldn't throw me into the Arena, right? I could go home!

"Quite the contrary, Ellessa. You're going to compete; the Game Makers will make doubly sure of that. You're just going to be on medication for the next few days until you enter the Arena."

"What? They can't send me out there! I'd be at an extreme disadvantage!" Seriously, not fair. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I was going to be on the verge of excitement just like earlier except it was going to be ten times worse. It wasn't going to be that happy, giddy excitement; it was going to be a whole new my-life-is-in-serious-peril excitement. The Game Makers expected me to deal with that without medication?

"If the Game Makers gave you anything more than any of the other Tributes while you were out in the Arena, people would suspect cheating. We can only give you enough for the next few days." Halem seemed to be the most disappointed out of all of this. He kept staring at the table while Gregor stared out the window and Jayfa and Larka kept their eyes on me. Their worried expressions seemed real enough to me, but Halem was beyond their concerned state. He looked downright heartbroken, like I had somehow managed to steal all that was dear to him.

"It's still not fair," I muttered.

"Anyway! On to the next bit of business!" Jayfa exclaimed in an earnest attempt to change the gloomy tones of conversation. "We've got to work on ideas for your next costumes since chickens isn't as frightful and shocking as your stylist seemed to believe."

"Hey, those things have talons. I'd be afraid of those if I were you," Larka retorted. Jayfa merely cracked a grin and kept his eyes on me like absolutely nothing was bothering him at the moment. I couldn't stop staring at his puff of blue hair perched atop his head.

"Do you have any ideas, Ellessa?" Jayfa's eyes were pleading with me even if their true color was covered by his blue contacts. " Gregor was no help and we're starting to get desperate."

"Blood." The word just dropped out of my mouth. Looking around the table, it seemed like I had hit something major with just that one word. "What do you get when you butcher meat? Blood. That's what we should stand for: blood."

"Brilliant."

"Perfect."

"Amazing."

"I love it!" Larka squealed. "It makes perfect sense, and it should knock some sense into those loons who think I have no talent. I'll show them!"

"There we have it! Ellessa, you are truly gifted!" Jayfa said.

"I think she'll do just fine." Halem's smile warmed me. It felt wonderful to hear those words, especially from a former Tribute from District 10. He knew what a winner was, and to see that he trusted me with that kind of responsibility helped to believe that maybe, just maybe, I might make it through all this, Anemia and all.


	8. Training: Day 1

The next morning I was dragged out of my sleep by an alarm. I didn't even remember setting an alarm, but something made me believe Halem had done it. My clothes from the day before were gone, but a loose crimson shirt and sweatpants had been set on the chair beside my bed. I assumed that this was my outfit for the day and slid into them as I allowed my mind to flow into a more alert state. Once I was dressed, I found my way to the dining room from the night before and sank into a chair. Breakfast was spread across the table and I began to pick at the food, barely tasting it as I chewed and swallowed mechanically.

Halem came through the door and sat across the table from me a few minutes after I had settled in. A bottle of pills was in his hand. He pulled the cap off, poured two of the oval pills into his hand, and stared at them for a second as if he was deciding what to do with them.

"These are your pills. You take two in the morning and one at night. I'll have to keep the bottle. The Capitol doesn't want you to overdose before the games." Halem placed the pills on a napkin in front of me. "Take them with water. It should be easier that way."

"The Capitol cares so much about me, doesn't it?" I said sarcastically, but I took the pills anyway. At least I could get through training without another fainting spell. I wondered if any of the other Tributes knew about it. Certainly my brother did, but what about the others? Would they use it to their advantage? Probably. I would have to work with Halem later on to figure all of that out.

An hour later, Gregor and I were in the elevator, dropping down to the actual training center in the Training Center. He was stony and quiet, just like he had been before we had gotten on the train. I opened my mouth several times in order to start a conversation with him to ease the tension, but nothing came out. Finally the elevator stopped and we walked into the enormous training area.

Five of the other districts had already beaten us there. Two of the careers were glaring at us while the others instantly began to murmur to each other and send sidelong glances my way. So, they knew. They knew I was weak, I was broken. Well, I would show them. They would regret ever whispering about me.

Gregor suddenly grabbed my wrist and hissed, "Stop it! You're only making things worse." I looked down at where he gripped me and realized that my hand was clenched into a tight fist. My jaw was tightened and my eyebrows were furrowed in the meanest glare I could manage, but my features softened once I noticed that Gregor had actually spoken to me.

"You need to stay calm, like a stone or placid water. Don't look at the others; they'll only judge you. Only think about yourself."

"Is that what Ysand has been feeding you this whole time?" I tore my wrist out of Gregor's grip and turned my back to him. "It's really stupid."

"Considering your condition, I would think it would help, and trust me, you're going to need every bit of help that you can get." Gregor grabbed my shoulder and forced me to turn around and face him. "If you're going to lose your temper so easily, who knows how long you will last in the Arena! If you let these other Tributes know that you're on the verge of cracking, then they will certainly play it to their advantage. I can't let you do that."

"Why would you even care? You're just going to kill me anyway," I snarled as I took a step away from Gregor. Tributes from the other districts were starting to file into the training area. We were getting more and more stares with each one.

"You're my sister and I love you! I can't forget that no matter how many times Ysand tells me to. Just remember that… In case anything happens, just remember that." He let go of me and turned away. By this time, our attention was being called to the different sections of the Training Area. Halem had expressed his wish that I spend more time working on things I didn't know instead of showing off and intimidating the other Tributes. Once we were released to train on our own, I instantly headed off to work on camouflage. My mind wasn't in it, though, as I practiced applying the dirt and makeup on my face. I kept glancing out of the corner of my eye to see what Gregor was doing. His face was like the placid lake he had talked about earlier: calm, cool, collected. He deftly picked up a knife and began practicing with it, twirling it around his fingers like he had been doing it since the day he was born. How could he act like this, all quiet and controlled, when he knew that we were both in mortal danger? I wanted to scream at him to fight back, to stop listening to Ysand and try to be his own person, but it would never work. He was already under his mentor's spell, and if I knew anything about Gregor, it was that he was terribly loyal. He would never betray the ones he trusted (except me, of course, but he probably didn't think he was betraying me).

The day flew by in a flurry of lessons on everything from camouflage to archery to even snares for catching prey (including people, which chilled me to the bone as the instructor talked gleefully about it all). By the time I got back to the District 10 level of the Training Center, I was exhausted. Whether it was from the Anemia or the actual training was unclear for me, but once I stepped into my room, I found a pill sitting on the nightstand with a note in neat cursive writing telling me to take the pill before I went to bed.


	9. Judging

The other Tributes varied in their training tactics. As each day went by, I began to realize who were the showoffs and who was actually spending their time trying to learn new things. I grew slightly annoyed as each person made their motives clear to me, but I didn't have to wallow in those feelings for very long. It was judging day.

Being from District 10, I had one of the longest waits before I was called up. I sat quietly at a table, Gregor sitting across from me with his distant look that was becoming unusually common with him. My fingers drummed a soft rhythm on the table before me, an irregular tempo that reflected the awful flips my stomach was making. What would the judges think of me? If anything, they would probably already have their assumptions. I would be lucky to even get a five since they all knew me now.

Halem had warned me about thinking like that. When we were discussing the approach I would take in my session with the judges, it had been a short conversation. Show them what I was good at, keep their attention for as long as possible, smile, and leave. If I could do that, then I could at least get a two. Before I had left, Halem had taken my hand in his and quietly said, "Don't let them discourage you." That was all. He stood up, left the room, and I sat in silence. I didn't want to understand him. I was already confused enough with everything that had happened in the past few days. Halem really didn't need to be added to that laundry list of thoughts.

"Ellessa Berinsar, it's your turn."

I stood up. Twenty minutes had passed since my brother had gone, so he must have done something worthwhile. I took a deep breath and made my way into the training area with purposeful steps. Confidence. That would at least get me a one, right?

The first thing I headed for was knot-tying. The judges already looked bored out of their minds from the plentifully entertaining Tributes from earlier. Some were already half drunk. I disregarded their lack of attention, snatched a piece of rope, and began to tie a complex knot with quick, nimble fingers. In less than a minute I had a snare that could drag a person across the ground of they stepped in it. Clever, but I had no way of testing it. I glanced up at the judges to see only one of them was actually looking at me in some mock interest as he sipped from a goblet of what looked like blood. My stomach churned, but something told me it was just some odd-flavored wine that was the new fad in the Capitol since I had come around. How disgusting.

I turned away from the knot-tying for awhile. I had to find _something _to do to entertain them, but what? I was horrible at fighting in close combat, and spears and archery were definitely not my thing. Maybe I could throw some knives. I had been good at it at home, but I had yet to try the knives in the training center for fear of showing off too much around the other Tributes. I had spent my time learning, anyway. Picking up a spare knife that had been left on the floor, I focused on a dummy hanging about thirty feet away. It was a fair distance, so I took my aim and launched the knife. The blade buried itself in the dummy's shoulder before sagging as the top of the blade pushed on the stuffing within. I looked up to see only that creep of a judge staring at me while the others continued to feast and be as bored as dead birds.

That was it. I had to do something drastic to catch my attention. My eyes locked on the judge that was so carefully sipping on his blood-wine while he watched me. There. He would do the trick. Heading back to the knot-tying area, I picked up a slightly thin rope and quickly tied a knot with a large loop at the end. Heading back to the judges, I held up the knot to see if any of them noticed it.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked of all of them. Only the judge with the blood-wine nodded. At least I had his attention for this part.

"Good." I began to twirl the rope over my head, staring directly at my target. The loop in the rope spun easily and I could feel my arm pulsing with the recognition of the action I was about to take. In one quick throw, I had the lasso around the judge with the goblet. I pulled and pulled until the rope was taut and the judge was being dragged over the ledge. Finally, the other judges noticed what was going on and began to rush over to the man's aid. It was too late, though. With one more tug, I had the judge toppling over the edge. He landed with a thump on the floor, like a piece of meat ready for slaughter, as the other judges looked on in shock. A moan escaped the man's mouth as he lay crumpled on the floor, but I didn't care. He had the gall to drink that kind of concoction right in front of me and he paid for it.

"Thank you for your time," I spat, then I turned around and walked out. So much for that ending smile.


	10. Because

"How did it go?" I walked in to see Halem waiting impatiently in the hallway, his foot anxiously tapping a nervous rhythm. He reminded me of a peeved hen. "You did what I said, right?"

"No. The judges annoyed me. I lassoed one and pulled him down." It was a blunt fact. I wasn't lying and I wasn't sugarcoating it.

"Ellessa! You can't do that!"

"What do you want me to do? Suck up to them? Play their little game like a good little girl?" I snarled.

"Well, if you want to survive it's probably a good idea if you get them to like you at least a little bit," Halem said.

"I'm not going to survive! Can't you see that!" I screamed. What was so difficult for Halem to understand? I was weak and I had a handicap that would practically kill me in the Arena before any of the other Tributes even got to me. I probably wouldn't even make it past the first sixty seconds. "Why are you even trying?"

"Because….Because…" He faltered and took a step back as I noticed a complete change in his attitude. Obviously he didn't like that question.

"Because what? Because you actually think I can win? I thought you said we were honest people back on that train, that we would be honest with each other. How could you suddenly change your mind?" Halem was silent as he took another step back. I took a step forward to keep our distance even; there was no way he was getting away from me without some sort of answer. "Well? What happened to the mentor I met on the train?"

"Nothing."

"Then what's going on, Halem?" I squeaked. His odd temperament was beginning to confuse me. Why didn't he just give up already? There had to be some reason that he actually started caring about what happened to me. Was it the Anemia? Was that what was worrying him? The almost guaranteed death from that surely had to be shocking to him. The knowledge that his Tribute would most likely die quickly had to have flipped some sort of switch in his mind. "Halem?"

"I-I…" His hands were trembling now. He looked like the boy I had seen before his Games now, the sixteen year-old that would live through a nightmare and somehow keep his sanity for the two years afterwards. Did I just break it? It suddenly dawned on me how much I would actually need Halem in these Games. If I broke him down, then he would be all but useless as I tried to survive what little time I had. I mean, if sponsors did show up, he would be responsible for how them helped me. A broken mentor would only heighten my probability of early mortality. Still, the boy looked back at me with his gray eyes and I slowly began to understand.

"I'm in love with you, Ellessa. All this," he gestured to the area around us, the walls, the Training Center, even the Capitol itself seemed to include itself in his gesture, "has only made matters worse. I'm helping you because I don't want to lose you. Does that make sense?" His voice was soft, barely audible. As his words came out, I could feel myself unhinging. I had known. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had known the whole time from his looks, his mannerisms around me. My thoughts had just pushed him away for the time being as I tried to sort everything else out. It had been a mistake to try to push him away, though, and I knew that it wasn't the Capitol making everything worse, it was me. I had only served to make Halem worry more and more about me instead of trying to do what he said. Well, what could I do about it now? It was so frustrating. I hadn't wanted to hurt him, but I had been so absorbed in myself and my lack of a future that there wasn't anything that I could do. There wasn't anything, right? Right? I found myself rushing through what if scenarios, trying to figure out if there was any way I could have figured this all out earlier and saved Halem the trouble of having to admit himself in this hallway after I had made such a horrible mistake.

"It makes perfect sense." It was the only words I could muster. Then my thoughts hit on something else. Why? Why would he love _me_? I was a stupid girl that worked with stupid cows and had stupid brothers and a stupid family and a stupid house and stupid everything. I wasn't even that intelligent considering I had missed every sign that Halem had been giving me from the start. What had made him notice _me_? Surely there was no way you could develop a passion for someone so quickly. Love at first sight was a lie. "Well, not entirely," I added. "Why are you in love with me? That's what I want to know. I just don't get it."

"We should sit down. It's kind of a long story." Halem began to walk towards the dining room. I stayed in the hallway, frozen to my spot. He looked over his shoulder to see my unresponsive self. "Aren't you coming?" I blinked.

"Why can't you tell me here?"

"Because you'd fall over and crack your head open. We don't need more misery today, so get in that dining room before I drag you there." Okay, Halem's old version of himself from the train was coming back to the surface. I was confused again, but I followed his directions and took a seat in the dining room. He took a seat across from me and began talking.


	11. All So Simple

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in...well, forever. I've slowly been easing out of writer's block on this. Chapter by chapter things should be getting better. Thanks to whoever is still reading this! Sorry for such a short chapter!**

I don't know how long Halem talked. Frankly, I don't even try to remember now. I just know that I sat facing him while I quietly listened and wondered how I could let all this slip past without any consideration. I was selfish. I was being selfish and I couldn't stop blaming myself for causing him so much stress when he had these feelings for me the whole time. I didn't think I was the bad guy, but now it was looking more and more like that. I knew I had to stop thinking about myself and help those around me because even though I knew I only had a few more days left to live, that didn't allow me to forget that I wouldn't be the only one affected by such a travesty. I had forgotten how much death could hurt other people, too.

Halem had first met me when we bumped into each other at school. Even though his situation was rough for a boy from District 10, school was still compulsory for him. Most of the students would have ignored him and moved on because of his position, but I had stayed behind to help him collect his books from the floor. Classic, right? Anyway, that lit a spark in him that kept him paying attention to me. He wasn't like a stalker or anything like that, he just managed to pay attention whenever my name came up or I happened to pass by. Little by little he began to learn who I was by catching snippets of information through the years. I slowly grew on him without even knowing it, building a reputation in his heart unmatched by any other soul. It wasn't his family's faces that he wanted to see again when he fought his way through the Hunger Games two years ago, it was mine. He promised himself that he would find me after he got back and tell me exactly how he felt, that _that_ was why he had to live.

He never said anything to me when he returned. He couldn't. The life of a celebrity was a busy one. He had tours to do, parties to attend, and by that time I was already hired to work in the fields. He was never able to find me, and waiting by the school would have looked peculiar. Why would a winner want to hang out with a bunch of loser schoolchildren?

Everything had changed just a few days ago. My name had been called for Reaping. It was the one time that he had never wanted to hear it, yet the cruel irony of it all had to land on him. His care and consideration for me hadn't been that of a mentor, it had been of a boy who was terrified that his love might slip away a second time. He used the subterfuge of crude remarks and a snarky attitude in order to hide his feelings, but he had done a poor job. Still I had been blind enough to completely ignore it.

I felt so stupid.


End file.
